Sunday 27 February 2011

London, Loaded and Tube Terrors.


Last week I landed myself some work experience at Loaded Magazine. The one with the titties in.


The offices are based in London and I'm based in Bournemouth so I went to stay with my lovely pal Jane who's studying something scary in UCL.


When I got out at Waterloo on Friday that familiar feeling of fear hit me as the crowds of people pushed past me and surged forward. As I got through the barriers I saw Jane waving and flashing her massive trademark grin.


We tubed back to Euston, where she lives and I got the massive bag off my aching shoulders. Jane has a teeny tiny single bedroom and my bag on the floor meant the bed floated like an island in the room, the floor nowhere to be seen. Janes housemates were so nice and welcoming as well as having a decent sense of humour that is often so defect in females.


Saturday: After a less than comfortable sleep (with Jane's toe nails offending my nostrils) interrupted in the morning by traffic we hauled ass out of bed and headed to Portabello market, something I've wanted to do for a long time. I wasn't disappointed - it was so cluttered and it smelt like attics. There were so many beautiful things that I would have loved to add to the already garage-sale like items that reside in my bedroom.


Sunday: we went to Camden market and spent about an hour deciding what type of food to get before settling on chinese, with mexican a close second. The stalls were so amazing, some utterly tacky and some completely enchanting.





Monday: my first day at Vitality Publishing and I somehow managed to survive the tubes at rush hour. I must have looked like I was on speed- my eyes wide and my hair stuck to my face with sweat. At every stop there was a minute of panic trying to see where we were. At Old Street I departed taking out children and foreigners with my bag in a way that could only reinforce suspicion of a drug habit.





The week at Loaded was so fun, I basically got to look at hot girls all week and judge them in meetings. I wrote some articles, reviews and tit bits for the magazine and got free pizza. Most days the staff at Loaded head down to the pub for meetings so I went along and had a pint to make sure I was fullfilling my role properly.



Not bad conisdering the dire week I'd expected: reading press releases and making 23479 cups of tea/coffee for those above me.


The guys there are so funny and welcoming, I cant imagine a better place to work.


Now I'm back home and trying to piece back together the hole that is my bedroom, I've still got Esme's present here, over a week and a half late.





I also found a christmas card that my Nanny gave me to give to my stepbrother, I wasnt too bothered at first just intruiged at what the card was like (my Nanny is a genius in the card making department) and when I opened it there was a fiver in it. SHIT BALLS. I felt so bad. You see, my stepbrother (also named Joe) is my Dad's stepson. The nanny who sent the card is my Mum's Mum so it was a ridiculously nice and unnecessary gesture to send a card in first place. let alone with a fiver in it.





I sent it off now, re-sealed and with an apology for its lateness. Bad Jojo.





Today I went back to the gym and after a week in London eating carbs like they were about to become a class A drug, it felt more than overdue. I hate that oh-so-familiar stodgy, carbed up body feeling. It makes me feel so lethargic. But DANG it tastes good. It's better than chocolate on your period (note to males: chocolate is a physical NEED,not a want, whilst on your period - like oxygen/C.O.D/porn is for you guys.)





Weeeeee Glamping soon and then ESPANOL to see my mummy. I miss her a lot.


In the mean time me and Twosy are gunna get so freaking thin and sexy and we will parade round uni in our underwear every day, even the rainy ones - because we will be so proud of our work. Legs Bums and Tums tommorrow. I wish I didn't only sweat through my face when I work out. It's truly ridiuclous the colour my head goes. My face is so red and wet and scary looking. I'm definately not one of those girls who look really hot and athletic working out. I'm more of a labour-induced rhino rhino with blusher on.


Right enough of that. Need to get my CV done and do some bladdy shorthand. booo.



Jojo



xxx



I wrote this listening to The Strokes.

Oh and also...this is TOO funny.

http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=l18u5JcFNLM

Wednesday 2 February 2011

Birthday: Boobs, Poo and Sexy Berets


Today was my birthday, my 20th birthday to be precise. I know everyone always says you still feel the same but today I actually do feel older and more of a lady.


This is shocking news to anyone who knows me. Ladette would probably spring to mind at the mention of my name...


...Although, I hope not the skanky ones from that show who get their tits out at every opportunity and mouth off old ladies.Mind you, saying that, I was ordered by my housemates today to get my nips out for inspection in the living room. Thankfully my boobs were deemed satifactory by the freaks that I reside with.



This morning started at 7.30am in my life...


I woke up and opened my cards and parcels that were generously posted from all corners of the world; Austrailia, New Zealand, Wales, England, Spain.


I should mention that I woke in the presence of a particularly lovely man named Boyf. I greedily opened his presents at midnight, neither of us being able to justify waiting until real morning.


I got the most amazing gifts from Boyf: an Eliza Doolittle CD (which is, by the way truly gorgeous) and I also got the gift of Glamping. Glamping is glamorous camping. We are booked into a tent (wait for it) which has the same standards as a 5 star hotel with undefloor heating, a huuuge bed, a free standing bath and living room and a hot tub outside! Right up my street.

What a fantastic boy I have found myself.


Anyway, this morning Boyf and I dodged uni ("do we HAVE to go to school Owen?") and drove my little hunk-a-junk van to Sandbanks and went over on the ferry to a pretty little beach called Shell Bay. It was so peaceful and fresh there and I love the sea. Standing by the water makes me feel so happy.


I did have a bit of trouble with my hair flailing about in the wind, managing to get into every crevice on my face. My nostrils had a good clean lets put it that way.


Anyway we had a little wander and an explore and I hung upside down from a tree and cried for attention (this is acceptable because it is the anniversary of my birth). We also found this flooded forest and the tress were all poking out of a mass of deliciously dark water. It was so mesmerising.


We realised that what we paid for the ferry was in fact a one way ticket and that we were stuck with no cash on the other side. We had to trek around the fairly ferrel land, trying to track down a cash point. We eventually found salvation in a cute little post office. A lady had a nice red beret in there, I feel I may have admired it to a creepy extent.


When we eventually got back on the ferry and into civilisation we headed straight to Wagamama's to meet my housemates for lunch. I've never had a Wagamama's before but DANG that shit is good. Nom nom nom lovely food and nice company.


Came back home and had birthday sex a few times and fell asleep on chocolate so it looked like poo on my sheets. Did the risky taste test to make sure I hadn't reached incontinence in my old age . ( Please note: It's confising when something looks like poo but tastes delicious. It makes you question a lot of things in life)


Went to all-you-can-eat Chinese this evening with my bestest pals who bought me some gorgeous underwear (which I will not try on for at least 2 days after that monstrous scoffing session. Unless I want to puke).


Now I'm back in my house playing my uke and singing the only part of my newly composed song I have written: a four line chorus with four repetitive chords. Pro.


Drinking the rest of my champagne and worrying about having to get upstars to wash and poo with such a weighty body....


Urgh 9am start tomorrow. Thank you to everyone who has sent me a birthday message, given me a hug or just thought nice things for me today. You've made my day such a fantastic one and I really am going to sleep grinning so much my eyes hurt. Love you all so much


That's all for now...


Jojo


I wrote this post listening to: Eliza Doolittle :) ( of course)