Sunday 25 September 2011

Freshers, Final Year and Fuck Ups

j
So here we are, it's all happened so fast. Our final year is upon us after 2 sets of getting fat over Christmas, getting thin over Summer and getting wasted in between.

I feel strangely reminiscent today, like I've suddenly understood that these years may be the best of our lives. And that we'll look back at them with regrets that we didn't savour every second. But heinsight is such a tricky thing. Who knows if today will be important or if it will slip through our memories without leaving a trace? You can't live always trying to squeeze fun out of everything. Trying to make every moment comical or interesting or dramatic. Sometimes the most simple and even boring things are the ones that leave the most beautiful marks.

The end of the first week of freshers is upon us and we have all failed to muster up the excitement and sheer stamina of a first year. We are no longer able to do two maybe three nights in a row. We have some reservation within us now. We know we'll suffer for it and sometimes that puts us off.

I can't say I've had the best week. It's been a stew of emotions for me. Coming back to reality after Summer and London has been really hard to get my head around. Seeing my ex for the first time since the split in May is strange. He's someone I've never known in a platonic way so trying to figure out the logistics of this new situation is hard. I'm so used to kissing him. And I don't regret the split, it's just hard getting to grips with this friendship we've got to have now which is a binary opposite of what I'm used to.

It's exciting being in my new house with my pals and I know we are going to have such a good year. We are all so different.

Soph is the Essex girl, glamorous, giggly and ditzy, Ruby the bizarre mother type who somehow still manages to get paraletic after a few drinks but has the biggest heart in the world. Grace an introvert with a flare for music, who can spend days at a time in her 'cave' as we've now called it. And me, it's always strange trying to perceive yourself as others do. I think I'm probably the brash one of the group with a dry sense of humour and a love for everything odd. but who knows, I could be the boring one who farts a lot. Which is also accurate, worryingly.

If I want one thing from this year, it's to feel confident and happy. To do well in my dissertation and for all my friends to be at peace with themselves and the world. Oh and to sack off twat-ish arseholes.

Also I'm so out of touch with the dating world. I mean I don't want to be dating but I feel like I need to kiss a boy in a club. I don't know why, but everyone seems to know how to do it and I have no idea. Like I've tried smiling at people but I must look really stare-y and creepy cause nothing comes of it.

I actually saw a gorgeous man in a club last week and he came over to dance with me and I just started sweating profusely and I couldn't speak. He went to hold my hand and he pretty much slipped off me I was so clammy.
I'm so nervous, I don't know what to say or do. I'm not a grinder that's for sure. fuck knows what will come of me. I might just be a lezza; at least girls are interesting.

I like my house and I love my room. It's so cosy and lovely. I want a picture of Pembrokeshire on my wall on canvas. There's a perfect space for it and I think it will look gorgeous.

I start work tomorrow in a pub nearby and I'm excited to be making some sort of money. Everything I earn I'm going to try and save for travelling with my gorgeous friend Tess. I love her so much and can't wait to see the world with her.

I have lots to look forward to this year. I'm going to Barcelona with Mum in April as a belated 21st birthday present ( I'm a February baby) and I'm going to visit my pal Howza in Ireland who I bloody miss. I'm hoping for a visit from Jammy and a few others. Biki is coming in December before she embarks on another wander round the world.

I have so many amazing people in my life and I'm so, so grateful. All of my close friends have such different and amazing qualities, but they are all so loyal. I've only recently discovered how important it is to know that your friends will put their heads under a train for you. And that you would do the same for them.
I know I'm going to grow old surrounded by so many colourful and interesting people. And that's why being in 'love' or finding 'The One' has become so trivial to me. I've got more than that. I have the love of all my best friends and that's more than a lot of people will ever get.

I hate that I upset a certain chap this Summer. He's been a pal of mine since we sat by each other in Mr. Swancott's chemistry class and I really don't want to lose his friendship. I hope it will be fixed in time.

That's all for now.

JoJo xxx


Monday 12 September 2011

The Big Smoke


I've just begun my second week in the great city of London doing work experience at Loaded magazine. I have really enjoyed it so far, it's just the heat on the tubes and the way that everyone's strangers to each other. I miss human contact. I miss Wales and the friendly atmosphere and the smiles. I miss the accent. I miss boys with curly hair, it's such a gorgeous Welsh trait.
I miss the sea. A lot. I miss the smell of salt and sun cream and cow shit.

London has been a real experience this time as I'm staying at my lovely friend Jane's house and she's not here. I feel strangely safe here though, tucked away in the single room. Maybe that's why; its so small it feels like your have a cwtch.

It's fashion week here and now I know why people jump in front of things. Coming home from work today I was stood on the tube between 4 nigh-on 6ft models, all approximately the width of neck. I was wearing leggings. I have stubby legs as it is. I felt rotund. It's the only word that properly creates the image of how I felt. ROTUND. This is no life to live. I scurried off at my stop like a little piggy and swore never to eat again.
I'm starting to understand why people love the city though. It's always busy, there's always something to look at or listen to. You're never truly alone here.

I'm dying to get back to Bournemouth though, my little cosy cave room is waiting for me and I want to see my housemates and my friends and my gorgeous van.

I can't wait to get to the gym, to be proud of my body again, to be able to bear myself in pants in the mirror again.

I like this cover. I hope you do too. Such a gorgeous voice


That's all for now

Jojo xxx