Sunday 22 August 2010

The last of jojo in cyber space.


This will be my last blog for the foreseeable future. It's been really good having somewhere I can send all my thoughts in cyber space to avoid the embarrassment of saying them myself. But I've kinda realised that I shouldn't hide behind this stupid blog and I should just tell people how I feel. Express it in a much more admirable way; by being honest with people and just realising that what I say and think is my right and I shouldn't be scared or ashamed of that.

I've got so much more to do than sit at a computer whining about my life when I'm really a very happy little lady. I'm doing a degree I love in a place I love with people I love. I've got a fantastic Mother who has aways been proud and supportive of whatever I choose to do. I have a boyfriend that makes me forget about the other people who hurt me and makes me feel strong and beautiful and humble. He's there for me more than anyone I've ever known and has this bizarre way of texting or calling just when I'm feeling poop. And then I don't feel poop anymore because I remember how lucky I am to have him in my life.

I think I've sort of reached a point where I can look back on my life and not be sad or bitter or angry or regretful of anything, because if none of that stuff had happened my path might have been a lot different and I maybe wouldn't be where I am now. I've made some really amazing friends this year and I feel like I very nearly know myself now. Which is huge.

So adios to dwelling on my stupid, petty worries and hello to embracing all the good things in my life that I sometimes forget to remember.

I am so happy and in love and I feel like R.Patz sometimes: all glittery and crazy. I'm into that. And the future is my very own to mould whatever way I like.

Thank you to anyone who's accidentally got here and read what I've written and thank you to everyone who's become a follower and responded to my posts both online and in person. It's really been amazing knowing that other people feel like I do or that people are just interested in my life. That's really cool :)

That's all forever :)

Jojo

xxx

Friday 20 August 2010

Boy enters home turf.




Owen came to stay last week. I was pretty sure he'd love it but also a bit apprehensive to have him in my real life. I say 'real' life because it has all my history; all my exes and regrets (two very separate things can I point out) and childhood memories in it and Owen's only ever had little glimpses of those.
But this time he got it all. He was in my room where we used to skype or talk, he was in my bed where other people had been before him. He was making my mum a cup of tea and talking to family friends.

I should have felt uncomfortable, invaded and confused but instead I felt nothing. Just comfort and happiness and easygoing.

That week really brought us closer I think. We did loads of fun things like swimming in the sea, he came to MY beach (not literally, just in my brain) and we walked through my hometown, we went on a fishing trip where I caught about 7 mackerel and Owen caught a dogfish (negative man points). And we watched a meteor shower.

On Wednesday I took Owen out on the razzle and needless to say English boys can't handle Welsh girls. PukeyBrain Owen puked everywhere in my house. Like everywhere; my bed, my floor, my bath, my sink, my loo, my towels, my dressing gown, no stone was left unturned. I was really mad cause it was really smelly and I was tired. I was so mad in fact that I put pants on, just to show him how serious I was.

I woke up with a horrible, horrible hangover. I'm not good at being mad, lesser so staying that way. But I was determined to be angry. When he tried to cuddle me I rolled away.

I asked him how he felt in my best sarcastic voice and he said: ' fine , yeh, not bad, you?' He could not remember a thing. His hair smelt like puke but he was so oblivious I broke. And when I told him what had happened he was SO mortified it was cute.

Then we washed all the pukey sheets, towels, clothes and carpets and made breakfast like a real couple. In my real home, In my real life. Surreal eh?

And now he's gone back home to England (Zzzz)and it's weird cause the pillow smells like him still.

I have an exam in five days which is causing me all sorts of turmoil. Stress, panic and puke amongst others.
I've been trying to revise and I kinda do well for an hour tops and then I reach capacity and my mind just refuses to be a sponge anymore. which is not convenient considering this is a resit for an exam in which I got 14%. yeh 14...

Oh and my van is finally here, and boy was it worth the wait. It's absolutely gorgeous and I just love it. It's a hunk of junk to be perfectly honest but that's just the way I like it. Its a Daihatsu Hi-jet and its a 0.9 engine and its got six seats and it folds into a bed. Perfect for Ireland. Perfect for camping. Perfect for surfing. Just perfect.

Anyway. Happy Birthday Jessica Hughes, one of my oldest and dearest friends. You are the gin to my tonic.

I need to sleep now. I hope you aren't bored from this gross, girly, soppy blog.
Don't puke on your computers.

Jojo xx

I wrote this post listening to: the whirr of my laptop and the wind outside.