Sunday 8 February 2015

Why I'm Turning My Back On 'Fate'



I used to think that life was somewhat pre-determined. That if I didn't get the job, it wasn't meant to be. If I lost in love, the right person was yet to be found. If I missed the train, it was beyond my control. 
I thought that things were meant to just fall together, and that you should let the universe do it's thing. Now I'm not so sure. 

Maybe I needed to word my CV better. Maybe that love I lost needed a little more compromise, a little less giving up, a little less defensiveness. Maybe I needed to be organised, then I might be halfway to my destination, rather than sitting in the rain, at a train station saturated with the smell of dehydrated urine. 

Now I'm starting to think you have all the control. Not over death or governments or who someone else falls in love with, but with your own life and your own future. It's easy to be inadvertently defeatist, blaming failures on some sort of cosmic order, when actually you could have done things differently to create a different outcome. If I had been more fierce and independent I would have seen a lot more of the world. If I had been less terrified of love I would have felt a lot more. If I had been more brave I might have given myself more opportunities. But instead I have lived safely, protecting my heart and my pride, putting it all down to 'fate'. 

I now refuse to assume my 'fate' is to be underwhelmed by my life. I refuse to blame 'fate' for my heartbreak. I refuse to hold anyone but myself accountable for where I am and how I feel. If you let someone break your spirit, then you are doing all the hard work for them. 

I didn't want to leave Australia. As I was driven to the airport, I felt this innate feeling that it just wasn't right, that it 'wasn't meant to be like this'. But the truth is, I just didn't play my cards right. No-one else played my hand for me. I had all the control.

Now I am home and I have a new set of cards. I'm going to play this hand right. It's going to be outstanding. 
I have the ability to shape my future. You have the ability to shape yours. It's time we all started working on our masterpieces.

Papa Smurf Knows What's Up
All for now,
JoJo