Sunday 24 March 2013

Kegging Strangers and Crab Dancing



I ventured out into the abyss that is Tenby on a Saturday night last night, with my compardre Becklesworth. I'd had such a shitty week in work and I just didn't want to leave my bed. BUT! I got my act together and got into the spirit of weekend celebration.

And I wasn't disappointed.
Sophisticated Intentions

The evening consisted of screaming laughter, moonwalking, stealing sunglasses (resulting in virtual blindness), jager bombs, press-ups and a LOT of crab dancing(darting back and for sideways, whilst making pincer shapes with hands - a new personal favourite).

I also managed to keg a complete stranger on my way to the loo.
I was on my own walking to the toilets to relieve myself, when my legs decided to cease to work completely.I felt myself falling so grabbed onto the closest thing around me, which turned out to be a man. Well, a man's trousers. As I fell I pulled on the trousers and brought them down with me as I sideways face-planted the sticky carpet.
Needless to say I soon realised that I had stripped a complete stranger down to his hairy bollocks in the middle of the Sands. He scrabbled to keep his boxers up whilst I got an up-the-skirt type view of his undercarriage. Having ventured off the dancefloor alone, I had no one to cry with laughter with about the whole debacle. I gave a short, awkward shout-laugh and got up and out of the way in record speed.

I scurried, un-gracefully, in through the front door at about half three and made the most perfect poached egg I've ever experienced. I also tried to eat it lying down in bed, resulting in a yolky, crusty mess of eyebrows this morning. Never mind, I tried.

Creepy Crabby
My entire body aches, I feel as though I've fought seven ninjas consecutively, whilst wearing ankle weights and chain mail.
I gagged, quite frankly, an embarrassing amount of times whilst brushing my teeth, and my bowels have been on a planet of their own, making me reminiscent of a victim of norovirus and swine-flu combined (sorry).


There were good men out last night - in that they weren't creeping all over the place on the whole.
Everyone seemed to be out to act like plebs and have a giggle with their pals, which resulted in a very pleasant evening for girls in relationships throughout the club.

There's nothing worse than a creep lurking around you with "come to bed eyes" resembling that of a mass murderer with a penchant for chloroform and clingfilm.

Although today was a write off (and my boyfriend may dump me on the basis that I've gone into details about my bowel movements on the internet), I had a bloody good night, and was reminded that Pembs has some true characters that you just can't find elsewhere.


Cheeeeers Beyyyyys.

That's all for now, Jojo xxx











Sunday 3 March 2013

Signs of Life


I'm glad Spring seems to be making an appearance. I feel we've all been waiting an exponentially long time for it to show up. But still, better late than never. Winter has been so punishing - probably because it's been the first winter I've spent in Pembrokeshire for three years. One season seems to have consumed about nine months, time seems to have slowed and turned to stalactites, not budging an inch.

But now there is a hint of something really lovely in the air. Today was bright and fresh and warm in the sun (but bloody Baltic everywhere else), the sky was blue and there were people, yes people, around. Real life human beings, also out doing things in the world. The deafening silence of Tenby seemed so far away - it's unusual to find much more than an 80 year old, pissing through the gap in the bar stool  in a pub here, let alone anyone wandering the outdoors.

My Manfriend and I went to Bosherston Lily Ponds today, partly to celebrate me finally being able to drive again and partly to get out of our surrounding area. The walk to Broadhaven was lively and serene at the same time. The calm, clear water of the lily ponds contrasting with children running along the narrow, root-ingrained, paths.

Just one day of sunlight has cheered me up endlessly. It's the kind of weather that makes you realise you were sad before, but you never even noticed. It makes you realise you've become so accustomed to the lingering unsettledness  in your life that you've started to regard it as normality.

Today made me think of the months to come, the warming up period before the Summer, the few cheeky sunbathing days in March and April and the words "bikini body" slowly seeping into women's conciousness across the country. The Spring/Summer collections will be nudging their way into high street shops.


Spring is the beginning of so many things: the daffodil, the lambs, the storing away of the ugg boots, low carb diets, long walks on the beach, bikini shopping ( it takes at least three months to decide on the bikini that I will wear for the entire Summer), pedicures, spring cleaning, bikini waxes, summer wetsuits and mid year makeovers.

I personally cannot wait for there to be daylight for more than eight hours a day, to not have to store a big fluffy jumper in the office for when I first get in, to wear sunglasses and ditch the bulky coats. It makes me feel positive and happy and grateful. It makes me remember that there are good times to come, with really good people.

In the last year I've lost contact with two really important people in my life, and no amount of sunshine will make that pain subside, but it will serve as a reminder of all the amazing people I still have around me, covering me in love and kindness and trust. I am a very lucky girl indeed.

Bring on the Summer sun!