Out of the Darkness

Last night I didn't dream of falling, which is kind of a bloody big deal. I did, however, dream of being in a female insane asylum, where some lady's multiple personality actually turned into another person, its skinny body formed on her bottom bunk with lank hair and emaciated skin. But swings and roundabouts - I guess there's still some dark stuff lurking in there.

When I wrote my last post, I found myself at what is sometimes referred to as 'the bottom'. The overwhelming feeling of being alone was suffocating. Luckily for me I have some beautiful humans in my life, who rolled their sleeves up, pulled their hair back and dove head-first into the thick, bitter, syrupy darkness I was sinking in, and helped me to swim to the surface, all the time showing me  that the 'me' I thought was gone, had simply got a little lost. The boot is now off and I've been told to apply a little weight through the foot, with about another month to go before I'll be walking. The end is still a little way off, but knowing this is the last leg of the race is very encouraging. 

Looking forward, I will be moving JoJo Goes Public to a snazzy new website with all my old posts on as well as new ones, so keep an eye out that. I will also be working from home, writing blogs and other copy for small businesses, whilst laying the foundations for my dream job as an outdoor activity instructor - something that I was once told to forget after the accident, but am now reassured I can still achieve (with a bit of patience and hard work getting my foot back to normal). So, things are suddenly a lot less dreary than they seemed not so long ago. It's amazing what a few encouraging words and a change in perspective can do. 

So, this is just a short post to say thank-you to everyone who sent nice messages or called or wrote me a letter or sent a card. It was pretty special to receive such a supportive response for what could have seemed a very self-indulgent post. It was really reassuring to know how many people had felt exactly the same way, and how they had come out on the sunnier side of it.

Thank you to my wonderful friends who understood my crazy, desperate mood was my way of communicating that I felt lost and alone, and for not just ignoring it because it might have been an uncomfortable beast to square up to. Thanks for knowing how much I hate to admit I'm struggling, and how far down I had sunk to write a whole bloody blog post about it. Thanks for understanding that I have once again left my heart in Australia, and how much harder this injury has been because of that.

The roller-coaster of the last two months is not one I want to ride again, but it is no doubt a testament to all the incredible people I have around me, holding me up when my wonky foot can't.

I'm looking forward to a year of regaining my strength and working towards a happy and fulfilling future, as well as attempting to repay all the kindness shown to me in this strange and challenging time.

JoJo 

x 

Why I'm Turning My Back On 'Fate'

I used to think that life was somewhat pre-determined. That if I didn't get the job, it wasn't meant to be. If I lost in love, the right person was yet to be found. If I missed the train, it was beyond my control. 

I thought that things were meant to just fall together, and that you should let the universe do it's thing. Now I'm not so sure. 

Maybe I needed to word my CV better. Maybe that love I lost needed a little more compromise, a little less giving up, a little less defensiveness. Maybe I needed to be organised, then I might be halfway to my destination, rather than sitting in the rain, at a train station saturated with the smell of dehydrated urine. 

Now I'm starting to think you have all the control. Not over death or governments or who someone else falls in love with, but with your own life and your own future. It's easy to be inadvertently defeatist, blaming failures on some sort of cosmic order, when actually you could have done things differently to create a different outcome. If I had been more fierce and independent I would have seen a lot more of the world. If I had been less terrified of love I would have felt a lot more. If I had been more brave I might have given myself more opportunities. But instead I have lived safely, protecting my heart and my pride, putting it all down to 'fate'. 

I now refuse to assume my 'fate' is to be underwhelmed by my life. I refuse to blame 'fate' for my heartbreak. I refuse to hold anyone but myself accountable for where I am and how I feel. If you let someone break your spirit, then you are doing all the hard work for them. 

I didn't want to leave Australia. As I was driven to the airport, I felt this innate feeling that it just wasn't right, that it 'wasn't meant to be like this'. But the truth is, I just didn't play my cards right. No-one else played my hand for me. I had all the control.

Now I am home and I have a new set of cards. I'm going to play this hand right. It's going to be outstanding. 

I have the ability to shape my future. You have the ability to shape yours. It's time we all started working on our masterpieces.

Papa Smurf Knows What's Up

All for now,

JoJo

How You Piss Your Waitress Off

Don't Push Me...

I've worked in hospitality on and off since the age of 12, when I flooded the cafe I was washing dishes in. Since that time I have developed a seasoned hatred for people who do the things that I will list below. I am sure that I am not alone in this. Here is a list of things that your waitress/server/chef will think you are an entitled fucking moron for doing:

1) Asking to swap ridiculous things. For example (in a stupid voice of your choice) "Guhhhh, can I swap the lettuce for some steak?", "I want to swap my half a tomato for two sausages". Also this type of request will induce a good eye roll: "I'll have the steak, medium rare, but more on the medium side with no blood but pink in the middle, but not so it's tough".
THE MENU IS THE MENU. THE CHEF KNOWS HOW TO COOK A STEAK. GO HOME AND COOK YOUR OWN STEAK IF YOU'RE THAT BOTHERED ABOUT IT.

2) 20 minutes before opening time: *marches into the shop* "Are you open? No?!" *huffs* "Well can you just quickly make something up for me? Just quickly? I drove all the way here? I know you don't have all the ingredients but can you just put this, this and this into a bowl please?".
NO. We are not open yet, if we make you something, other people will think we are open, in fact someone has just seen you and has walked in behind you. I WANT YOU TO DIE.

3) When a restaurant/cafe/bar is incredibly busy and clearly understaffed, it is not okay to stand at the front of the queue pondering over your decision with complete disregard for the customers waiting behind you. You had 20 minutes in the queue to decide, you should know what you want. If you don't know what you want I would recommend you step aside for someone else to order until you are ready. And to avoid a head injury.

4) When something that you want is sold out there is really nothing to be gained by aggressively whining and complaining about the fact that it's the only thing on the menu you want/like. There is literally nothing I, or anyone else, can do about there being none of it left.  I have apologised that there is none left, but it really is not my fault, and staring at me angrily and not saying anything will not make that thing spontaneously exist in front of me. Go home.

5) Similar to number 2: Don't come in 5 minutes after closing and ask us to make something for you. It's hard for us to say no, and if we do say no and you get shitty with us, I would genuinely fear for your life on your walk home.  We are closed, it is not my fault that you were going to be on time but then you forgot your purse so you had to go back home. It certainly is not my fault that you got our opening hours wrong and thought you had time to spare, and I genuinely do not give a shit that you have been looking forward to it all day. While you have been drinking wine with your friends in your fancy beach side apartment, I have been sweating my tits off since the early hours, getting burned, complained at, and have needed a piss since 11am. I would very much like to go home, have a shower and put a big, curly straw into a wine bottle.

6) When you order something, and then when it arrives, deciding you don't fancy it and coming back and complaining, saying you ordered something else. You made your order, I WROTE IT DOWN, I checked it back with you, I even explained a little about the dish to make sure you knew that it was a bit spicy/creamy/small and now you are making me look like a dick in front of my colleagues and my boss. You ordered it, you don't like it, tough shit - it's yours. But as my boss is here I have smile at you, apologise and get a new meal made up for you. You respond with a huffy thank you and that completely transparent sheepishness that shows me that you know what you did, but that you are too much of a spineless, spoilt brat to admit it.

7) Not saying 'please' and 'thank you'. It is literally the easiest thing to do in the world. Don't look down on me because I'm serving you. I don't look down on you because your lip job clearly didn't go as you'd planned and your husband is sleeping with his secretary. So just be nice, yeah?

8) Coming to the counter, completely ignoring me when I greet you, and instead calling after my boss whilst he is working. 'Hi Ben! Hi Ben! Ben! Hi! How's it going?'. He doesn't care - you are literally paying for his car and his wife's new dress. You are a walking fifty dollar/pound note to him. NOW, tell me what you want and give me the money so I can do my job.

9) You come in once a week and you expect me to remember your name and your order. We serve over 200 people a day. Your face means nothing to me, and I have absolutely no idea what 'the usual' is. I'm sure you are a lovely person, but trying to act like a celebrity in  a salad bar is quite sad. Just come in and order what you want. Like a normal human being.

10) Telling me there's a few tables that need clearing when the shop resembles a fire evacuation in a high school with a large special needs department. I am painfully aware of the fact that I would benefit from becoming a cross between an octopus and Inspector Gadget, but I can only do one thing at a time.

11) If we can't do something gluten free/vegan/nut free, don't give me that look that is usually reserved for a rotting carcass infested with maggots. I didn't write the menu, I don't cook the food and, although I empathise with you, I really don't have any patience reserved for listening to you angrily complain about the injustices of your life with IBS.

On the whole I like customers, and they are pleasant and considerate and understanding. It's just that the minority of arseholes can really give me the shits.

Also, a tip wouldn't go a miss 

That's all for now, 

JoJo

xxx