Lent - carb city.

For lent I decided to give up meat and alcohol, I am not religious, but I like to test my self restraint every now and again.
Its Day 3 and I'm feeling quite good about it all, apart from that dreaded food group...CARBS.
don't get me wrong I like carbs, I LOVE carbs, but that is of course the problem.
Being vegetarian kinda restricts your diet if you don't know how to cook fantastic vegetarian food.
So day 1 I strutted into ASDA filling my trolley gallantly with fruit and veg (hiding the pizza of course) and waving about pro-biotic yoghurt like I was actually going to eat it.
Half way round the store I gazed into my trolley and was struck with fear - what the fuck could I cook with all this?
I mean, I love veg and I can happily eat a plate of it, but 2 meals a day for 40 days? Really?
So I casually jogged over to the frozen section with desperation in my eyes. Isle 12 - ' frozen vegetarian ' - worrying.
I grabbed as much imitation meat as possible, hiding it under my elaborate vegetables(artichoke is FOUL by the way) and proceeded to the checkout in the hope that this new diet would make me super thin and fabulous in everyway.
Boy was I wrong. I have gained an estimated 4lbs and am consuming at least 4 pieces of bread a day, a carb that was previously strictly banned from my diet. Not to mention the 2 bags of crisps and occasional raw potatoe when times are tough.

To cut to the chase, I'm getting fat AND I lost my gym card, the chances of getting laid are getting smaller and smaller, whereas I am getting larger and larger.

But hey, here's hoping my body will for ONCE obey my wishes and drop a bit of jelloid deposits, preferably from my stomach, please.