Today I woke up and felt a little unsettled. No reason. Just felt off, a bit uncomfortable.
Back at home I would walk across the beach by my house, climb up on a rock and sing or just gaze at the vastness of the ocean.
Today I walked down to Bournemouth beach which isn't half as nice or private as the ones we have at home but it's still pretty. I brought my notebook, a pen and my ipod.
I left my phone at my flat- nature and modern technology should never be side by side.
I walked away from the chaos of the main beach and headed up towards Boscombe. My music was on, set to Dashboard Confessional and City and Colour, I climbed onto a groyne and walked along it until I was surrounded by the water crashing at the wooden legs. I like it when the sea matches my mood. I looked across the water, it was never ending, I love how the sea makes you feel tiny, like there's so much more than what is yours.
I stood there for at least 2o minutes, just listening and looking. I sang so loud, no longer caring if anyone was nearby. I cried a lot. For nothing but my own satisfaction and the release of letting go.
Back at the shore, I wrote, the sea always makes me write. I wrote about anything that came into my head, disjointed and scrawly.
I wrote part of a song- a chorus and two verses. I needed James there to make the tune in my head beautiful on his accoustic. And right then I knew what was wrong, I missed home, for the first time since September. And I didn't miss my family or the nightlife or even my friends very much. I just missed having somewhere I could call my own.
At home Waterwynch beach is mine, no one goes there and it's where I've had my most emotional times, sometimes being there from early morning until dusk. It's tiny but it's full of my secrets and sorrys and happy moments.
Nothing here yet has my identity scraped into it, where it will never fade.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy, I'm the happiest I've been for years, my future is in view and I can shape it whichever way I want to.
Everyday I wake up proud that I've gotten where I am, that I worked hard enough to make my aspirations possible.
This post is full of cliches, but I dont even care. It's my truth.