Today I've woken up feeling a little defeated. It's time to pack up and get ready to make the huuuuge trip home to Wales. Part of me knows I have to leave, but the majority of me doesn't want to go back for fear of this streak of happiness ending. This year has been so much to me, it's shaped who I am and forced me to make big, adult decisions. I know staying here would mean I would be poor, bored and alone but the idea of going back to my big old empty room in Tenby just isn't appealing to me right now.
I don't want anyone else to have my matchbox room, I dont want anyone else to make memories in this tiny, dusty cube. And I know people have been here before me and felt the same but I just can't shake the territorial part of me. The huge hole in the back of my door was originally very ugly and annoying, it is now a pioneering piece of modern art, built in. And its mine for fucks sake, it's mine.
Living in Hurn House is not the most glamorous of student halls but you know what, ever since I was about 14 I wanted to rough it. I love camping and bugs and dirt and being skint. It's what students are meant to do. The toilet blocks every week, pretty much without fail, and taking a shower knowing there is someone else's shit fermenting within a yard of you is not 'fun' but it has student written all over it. Having a kitchen with no windows and air con that doesn't work is very annoying but walking in and seeing Lara and Georgie red and sweating and swearing from frustration is quite comical. (mainly because they would normally be horizontal doing so)
What I'm saying is this year I've done some really good stuff, and some really stupid stuff. This year epitomises 'learning curve' and yeah I've cried a lot but my god have I laughed a lot too. And that's how it works isn't it? You've got to go through the shitty times to really appreciate the good times.
Today I'm beginning to shift through my things, I know full well that I'm going to need a skip to accomodate the amount of shit I have accumulated this year. And over the summer I'll be working in a disgusting chip shop (desperate times...) enduring 12 hour shifts without a break but I know that it will all be worth it. When I'm not in work I can catch up with everyone else and just chill on the beach like we used to and reminisce about being 15 and paraletic in the sea on a Friday night, our parents believing we were doing work at each others houses. And in September, we'll all be gone again, leaving only the echos of our voices and the chaos we have caused behind us. None of us ever go quietly.
And I'm pretty sure none of us ever will.
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