Thursday, 16 February 2012

Teach Me How To Dougie

Please, just teach me. I have been trying for some time now and it's really putting me at a disadvantage downstairs in Lava.

Trying to do it is even more embarrassing than just standing there on the dance floor bobbing about aimlessly.

I swear I used to have more fun when I was out. And I definitely used to get more drunk.
I'm never really drunk any more. And if I'm not really drunk I can't smooch boys. Which is EXACTLY what I want to be doing. Especially the one's that can dougie. We could dougie and smooch at the same time if I could just learn to do it.

Life is so hard sometimes.

If I lived in a perfect world boys would like brunettes. Boys in clubs would not grab your vagina as you walked past (?! Seriously, when did this become common place?).

Boys would say 'hi Jojo, you look lovely. Lets have a boogie. Let me teach you how to dougie.'

And I would say, 'Okay, I'm glad you think I am worth having a boogie with.'

But this is not the case. Boys like to grab vaginas. I really don't understand it, it's not really an easily grab-able part of the body. And I can't imagine it really does much for someone. Maybe it's like when girls Try Before They Buy....

For those of you who don't know what Try Before You buy is:

Quite simply it's when a girl touches a boys willy to decide if it's worth putting in their hoo hoo or if it is a waste of a number.

I personally am not a Try Before You Buy kinda girl. I don't really know what kind of girl I am.

I think I am a girl who likes boys with curly hair and kind eyes. But it's not really working out for me. Is that really too much to ask?

I don't want a boy with a big wallet and a huge wanger or a nice car or good skin.
I don't see the problem.

Last night me and my house-mate, Twosy, went out with the intentions of being shallow and just smooching sexy men instead of trying to work out who was actually a nice person. It didn't work. We whittled it down to these problems:
We weren't blonde.
Or boobless.
Or drunk.
Or virtually naked.
Or grinding on anything vaguely stable (walls, men or chairs are all apt obstacles to grind on, we observed)

But I don't want to be any of those things.
Alright, I'd like to have a smaller forehead and normal length toes and a flat stomach.

But I don't think I'm ugly. Jesus, I do not advise anyone to start thinking about that sort of thing.

Earlier I looked in the mirror for so long I couldn't see my face anymore for all the faults I'd picked. It just isn't worth it.

It's a sad fact to have to face...but the fact is that you must be either easy or jaw droppingly perfect to get a chance with sexy boys...or any boys in fact. They have become far too picky.

Also I would like to stop fancying inappropriate men.

That's all for now, Jojo xxx
This post was written listening to : Gym Class Heroes


  1. You're hilarious! Reading things like this make me want to blog again :)

  2. Ahh Thanks! Only just saw your comment, I'm sorry! You should! It's fun!