Manfriend and I went to the beach last week, it was warm and lovely, I had my book, and an ice lolly. My only trouble in the world was my uneven tan. You see, I had white titties, whilst the rest of my torso was distinctly more bronzed.
I had been wearing a strapless bikini all week that created the illusion that my normally well behaved and pertly placed boobies were saggy, like bags of three week old sandwiches, festering in plastic ziplocks at the bottom of a child's rucksack.
Girls, I'm sure you'll agree with me when I say it is not a good look, so, like many other women would, I undid my bikini top and slipped it off, pleased at the prospect of no longer looking like a bad stencil. I started to read my book, enjoying that delicious feeling of sunshine on skin, completely content with my carefree life here in glorious Australia.
I was just lying there thinking things such as: 'Isn't everything lovely here? Isn't everyone so friendly here? Australia has just got living down', when I heard some giggles nearby. I am not stupid enough to think that teenage boys, no matter how liberal, would not giggle at a pair of bare tits, so I carried on with my book and waited for them to pass by.
The giggles continued. It is now quite loud, snorty laughing. Tell self not to be so self involved to think that it must be about me.
Then, a girls voice. "Oh my god, that's DISGUSTING". More laughing, becoming slightly more insecure..."What the FUCK, that is so wrong". And then...
"PUT YO TITS AWAY LADY, IT'S DISGUSTING".
Literally feel my stomach fall to my butt, feel as though I have been transported back in time to year nine when a boy is pea-shooting chewing gum into my hair and my acne riddled face flairs to a shade of pink.
I quickly put my bikini back on, embarassed, and Manfriend gently asks me if they were talking to me. I turn around and see a group of about seven teenage girls laughing hysterically whilst one stands, hands on hips, looking in my direction with a look of pure satanism on her face.
I am a 22 year old, confident, intelligent young feminist but still I cannot explain how bloody, shitting, fucking AWFUL that made me feel. I'm not stupid, I know breasts are not disgusting - I mean, come on, the world has had an obsession with them since the beginning of the human race, when cave men drew great, voluptuous, bosomed women on stone. BUT I couldn't shake that feeling of complete and utter fear and paranoia, with just a dash of self loathing.
Manfriend did a lovely show of violently telling them to fuck off, (which I pretended I was above, but secretly wanted to kiss him so hard for being such a deliciously aggressive protector) and we left the beach shortly after.
I managed to not cry, although had I been with one of my girlfriends I would have wailed and cried big, fat, snotty tears for all the hurt I was feeling.
It got me thinking: As if women don't have it hard enough - we constantly see images of generally unattainable 'beauty' in the media, we are pretty much unfailingly judged initially on our looks by men, we are facing a 30% salary gap, strip clubs, sandwich jokes and fucking hell-on-earth underwear shopping - We now have to fight against our own gender as well?! Well that is a sick joke.
Who raises young women to be so judgmental, sharp and cutting? We should all be hanging out together, discussing how undeniably awesome we are, and how we are going to sternly kick the delicate balls of the patriarchy by proving how strong, clever and, yes, beautiful we are. Because if the world is going to objectify us sexually for 100,000 years, we are going to use it to our bloody advantage.
I have thought of hundreds of hindsight comebacks to those girls. Some of them include calling them 'butch' 'mean' and 'immature', but most of them are just to tell them they should be ashamed of themselves to so brashly thrust insecurity on someone else, especially another woman. Especially as they know how it feels to to be insecure and scared of whether you aesthetically meet the norm. Because they are, after all, teenage girls, living in a western world where being insecure about yourself is just another day to day occurrence, like taking a shit. It is intrinsically sewn into the seams of being female.
That's a bloody awful truth to consider, but it is the truth. So maybe if we were all nice to each other, we might be able to actually get some shit done this century.
All for now,
JoJo xxx
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