Sunday 8 June 2014

My Patchwork Quilt



There is a saying that goes like this: " You are the product of all the people you meet".

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. About how everyone you meet has some effect on you and your life. And vice versa too - everyone who meets you takes something from you, and absorbs it into their own world. 

Since being in Australia I have had some hard times and some good times. This much is to be expected when you go to the other side of the world on nothing but a dream of romance. But lots of good times have been as a result of  kind people reaching out to me with love and blind, un-selfish goodness. 

Nobody knew who I was here, no one knew anything about my history or my family, they had no context. And yet they still held their arms open and welcomed me into their lives. That is not something to be taken lightly. Luckily I am not a murderer, so it kind of worked out for everyone. But still, risky business. 
I think about the friends I have made here, who have made my time here a good time. They have been a patchwork quilt of kindness and protection, always listening and loving, making sure that I don't feel alone. And I think about how much difference they have made to my life in such a small time. It astounds and humbles me.


On the flip side to that there are the people who make me feel like I'm lost in my own life. Those people form and re- instate my insecurities and paranoia. People who call you a friend but don't do any of those things that a friend is supposed to do, like be interested in your life, or show that they care rather than just saying it or writing it down. 

I t's hard to love someone when they don't love you back. It's hard to keep trying when no-one's meeting you halfway. It becomes hard to love yourself too. There is a sense of exasperation in everything you do, because that person continues to let you down.
The pain that feeling gives you settles in you somewhere, and it grows and evolves into something that becomes a part of you. It hides away, making you feel like you don't own it, but it is in the echo of your resistance and your anticipation. It is in your unfamiliar bitterness - a cold and sharp shard of you that you didn't have before.

I think that phrase: " You are the product of all the people you meet" should help us to be nice, on the most basic and beautiful level. You don't have to go saving baby animals from burning houses or giving all of your belongings to an orphanage. You just have to think about how you make other people feel.

You've also got to be sure you aren't surrounding yourselves with people who don't make you happy. To not hold onto something that doesn't enhance your life in some way. And sometimes that is the hardest thing - to let go. To admit to yourself that you can't make it work anymore. That you are spending more energy trying than actually being. 

Today I am grateful for all of my friends, old and new, who have had such a profoundly positive influence on my life. Every little ounce of them that makes up me is beautiful. They teach me everything I know. I hope that I have a similar effect on them. 

That's all for now, 
JoJo xxx


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