Revision, Rejection and Rage.

Well what a strange week I have had.

On...uhmmm Wednesday? Thursday?

...Wednesday. On Wednesday I bumped into a guy in uni who asked me for directions to the library. I was going that way so I took him there and helped him with his stuff.

On first meeting he said " I've met you before"

I said " No, I don't think you have"

We later went for lunch at the uni cafe and discovered that we had, in fact, met before -in a club. He does not remember (thankfully) that I chatted him up and he walked away with some false-eyelashed, boob tubed girl whilst I was mid sentence.

I saw this as a good opportunity to make a good second first impression. And a second chance for him to redeem himself.

So we chatted and we got on and I kinda thought he was cool.

Next day he asked me to go to lunch with him but I stayed and worked in the library instead. That night I asked him and his pals to come for some drinks with me and my pals. He came, his friends didn't.

So he came to my house and then Ed and Murray arrived.

Man to girl ratio 3;1.

Then we walked to the bar where we met Dom and his friend (who's name I've forgotten).

Man to girl ratio 5;1.

The bar was too busy so we went to another where we met Dan and Scott.

Man to girl ration 7;1.

Then Callum arrived, completing our drinks group at a monstrous...

Man to girl ratio of 8;1.

This isn't normal. I am aware of that. But it wasn't my fault. No girls are back from home. So I had no choice.

So, as you can imagine this guy is feeling pretty weird and is understandably pretty quiet. After a drink or so everyone loosens up and is getting on well and the guys start talking about my "strange taste in men" and how I like guys with "horrible noses and weird hair".

I wondered why my friends were trying to shit all over my second first impressions. So, when he went to the toilet, I asked them what the hell they were doing talking about my taste in men in such a derogatory way infront of this guy I was trying to impress.

They looked confused and asked me how I knew him. I told them " I met him in library yesterday". Cue screams of laughter (Scott), table banging and shocked faces.

"Who brings a guy they met yesterday to a pub with 7 other men?!"

"What is wrong with you?!"

"He must be so freaked out!"

If I'm honest I over-invited in fear of drinks consisting of me, this guy and one of my friends in some weird, awkward chat, Jo has no friends kinda situation.

Okay so drinks didn't go that well. But this guy was staying at mine because he couldn't get home otherwise. SO. We walked back to mine and when we got in it was so weird. This guy was in my house, in my ROOM. With all my STUFF. I wondered what he thought to it all. Did he wish he'd never come?

So I kissed him and I didn't have sex with him (not through his lack of trying) and went to sleep.

Next day I dropped him off and that was the last I heard of him. (Although he kissed me on the cheek and said he'd see me in uni...what does this mean?!)

Now this is a very unusual situation to be in in the first place. This is a strange series of events.

But what I'm getting at is WHAT THE FUCK?

Okay so you didn't get laid. But it's not like I was grinding on you in a club. You had to stay at mine because of distance and I thought I made out like I was not the one night stand kind of girl.

It's just so tricky. My friends are always telling me I'm made of stone when it comes to guys and that I don't give anyone a chance.

This is the first time in almost a year that I've even vaguely let someone into my personal life and THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.

I way prefer being a cold hearted, man hating spinster. It's a lot less stressful and it saves a lot of self judgement.

It's not like I wanted to be his girlfriend. I don't. I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend. But Cummaaaannnn. Social etiquette?

I get it that when I go out and men try to buy me drinks and ask for my number they are trying to get laid. But in sober world. Is that okay? Is that normal?

I guess I just expected a little humility. I was kind to him, helping him out and stuff.

Just seems a little strange...but maybe I've just been out of the game for too long.

So moral of the story? First impressions are often accurate, don't show strangers to the library, and definitely DON'T let them sleep in your bed.

That's all for now

An ego-bruised Jojo xxx

Would I Lie To You?

Something has gone wrong somewhere here. Somewhere along the line men and women started to lie to each other. Now, I don't know why this happened, I don't know what silly sod thought it was a good idea and I can't attempt to imagine how much confusion it has caused over the years.

In my short life so far, it has made things far more complicated than necessary. Here I shall investigate.

WHY LIE?

The answer to this question depends on what sort of lie your telling. For example, if you're pal has just had a truly hideous hair cut, you might want to make her feel better, considering it's too late to do anything about it.

This is a pity-lie or a compliment-lie. In very few circumstances is this type of lie acceptable. You may be making her happy in the short term but in reality, she's going to know if it's a shit barnet. Also she will think you are stylistically-confused and will never trust your opinion again.

DRUNK LIES

I lie when I'm drunk, I think a lot of people do this partly because they feel their lives aren't interesting enough already. Telling someone you own your own business/you're a model/you're a professional skateboarder is not okay. It will always leave you in sticky situations. For example, when it transpires they know your house mate.

THE OUTCOME

Lying is hard because if you get found out you look so twattish it really is not worth it. Maybe you'll have less 'stories' for I 'have never' but at least you wont have to keep a note of all the lies you tell and try to remember the elaborate details of each anecdote.

WHO LIES?

Everyone. whether it's excuses, white lies, drunk lies or just trying-to-make-yourself-look-cool-lies. We all do it. All I'm saying is we should try and control the extent and quantity of them.So what you're late. What if you just bloody forgot? What if you slept through your alarm? SO BLOODY WHAT? You are only human.

LIES YOU ARE TOLD

Friends lie when they say you don't have bad points.

Parents lie when they say they will not Facebook stalk you.

Boys lie when they say they wont judge you if you fuck on the first date.

Girls lie when they say they don't like attention.

I lied when I said I liked last years Christmas present from my Nanny. (herb themed notebook? where do you even buy this stuff?!)

AND

You lied when you said it wasn't you passing wind in class (sometimes you just can't hold it in)

Anyway, what I'm getting at is everyone does it but why do we lie about some stuff that is just better off said truthfully?

WHEN THE TRUTH SHOULD COME OUT

1) "It's not you its me" -No it is not. It is you, because I don't fancy you any more, how can it be me? How can I make me not find you attractive any more? I can't, it's you. It's just harsh to confuse someone like this. Give them closure, spare them your pity and just tell them why. There's someone else, shit happens. They'll get over it.

2) "I'm not drunk"- You are, you have been drinking and now you are acting weirdly, you are drunk.

3) "I'm always here for you"- this is a really common lie. Yes, you can offer support to a friend whenever you are free, but sometimes you aren't. Sometimes you are in meetings or at work, or you just ignore the call.

4) "I'm never drinking again" - BULL SHIT

5) "I would never lie to you!" - You just did.

I could go on but it's really tedious.

I don't get it when fat people lie about how much they eat. You cannot be that big if you're only eating salad.

Oh, and lies don't have to be in the form of words. Oh no, having a chocolate stash under your bed and only eating leaves in public is lying.

It's pathetic. Everyone likes chocolate. Pretending to your house mates that you didn't eat 5 Mars bars alone in the dark haven of your room last night doesn't mean it actually didn't happen. If you want to be thin just stop fucking eating so much shit and go to the gym. SIMPLES.

That's all for now

Jojo xxx

P.S when someone says you look tired/poorly they just mean you look shit. You look like an uglier version of yourself. You are not attractive today.